


Macdondals Date

by Le_purple



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cute, Dating, Dialogue Heavy, Earth C (Homestuck), Fast Food, Funny, M/M, McDonald's, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Suits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 18:29:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21058982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Le_purple/pseuds/Le_purple
Summary: Karkat goes to McDonald's but leaves his wallet at home, and Dave is more than happy to buy his boyfriends lunch.





	Macdondals Date

TG: so what youre saying is:

TG: Macdondals date.

CG: NO I AM NOT SAYING 'MCDONALD'S DATE' I'M SAYING THAT I WANT SOME NUGGETS

TG: and you want your poor boyfriend to trudge through the busy streets all the way to Macdondals

TG: to spend his hard earned money on your food

TG: even though you're already there?

CG: DAVE I LEFT MY WALLET AT HOME AND I WOULD RATHER SURGICALLY REMOVE MY BULGE THEN GO HOME TO GET IT.

TG: once again your night in shining armour has to save his darling princess from the clutches of doom

TG: fear not damsel, for i will get you your Macdondals

CG: GOGDAMN IT DAVE

TG: love you babe

CG: ...

CG: LOVE YOU TOO.

Karkat sat back in his chair and sighed, hoping that no one would recognise him. How could he forget his wallet? He literally only left to get McDonald's. He could write up a list of all the stupid things he'd done, and leaving his wallet, the thing he need to buy things, at home when he was specifically going out to buy things, would probably be in the top 5 rank of the infinite expanse of the stupid things list.  
At least he could just go on his phone until Dave got there. Luckily the McDonald's wasn't that far away from their house, so he would be there in a few minutes, but Karkat REALLY couldn't be bothered to walk all the way back just to get his wallet. It was times like that when Karkat wished that teleportation technology was more utilised.

CG: HURRY UP DAVE

TG: wow is Roldnald Macdondal gnawing on your foot or something

TG: ill be there in a minute dude im just getting ready

TG: gotta wear my best threads for my man you know what im sayin?

CG: UGGHHHHHHH

CG: DAVE IF I DO NOT EAT SOON I WILL STARVE TO DEATH AND JUST BE A HUSK

CG: I'LL BLOW AWAY IN THE BREEZE LIKE THE SHELL OF A FRESHLY MOULTED PUPA

TG: hot

TG: whatever im on my way now

TG: keep your freshly moulted shell on

CG: DAVE I SWEAR TO EVERY GOG I WILL KILL YOU AND EAT YOU INSTEAD OF FRIES

TG: also arguably hot

TG: i thought you wanted nugs anyway

CG: UGGGHH DAVE

TG: the more you type the longer itll take me to retrieve your sweet sweet nugs

TG: or replacement for your fries

TG: i would put a winky face but im too cool

CG: DAVE

TG: whatever ill do it for you babe

TG: B;)

CG: DAVE FUCKING HURRY UP

TG: what did i say about messaging me karkat?

CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Karkat dropped his head to the tale with a light thud, groaning as he slumped back and rested his neck on the top of the chair. Luckily the general hum of the other people was loud enough to mask his displeasure.

The hum died down int quiet whispers which made the troll rock his head forwards to look at the door to see the source of commotion.  
"Damn it Dave..." Karkat muttered. Dave was standing at the door, looking around for Karkat. He was wearing a well fitted back suit, with a flashy red tie and a rose in his pocket, as well as a bushel in his hands. His hair was somehow even more douchey than usual, perfectly in place and shiny with hair gel.  
It wasn't long before Dave managed to see Karkat and sauntered over to him, the cameras on peoples phones following him.

"Macdondals date, babe." Dave said, placing the roses on the table.

"Why, Dave? Why?"

“You wanted nuggets right?" Dave called, tapping on one of the ordering machines. Karkat remained silent before remembering his hunger.

"...and mozzarella sticks!"

"I got you babe!" After a couple more taps, Dave took the receipt and sat back down at the table to wait for his order to be called out.

"You're looking ravishing tonight." Dave said, completely serious tone as he began to eat the rose in his pocket.

"I will fucking ravish you, you piece of-!"

"Gee Karkat let me buy you dinner first~" Dave put his hand on Karkat's, whose face went completely red at the gesture.

"...damn it Dave, you crazy dickhead." He grumbled, curling his fingers around the humans.

"If I'm gonna treat my man out for a fine Macdondals I wanna look my best."

"Pfft-you're so fucking stupid."

"Love you."

"Love you too, Dave."

“You're gonna make me blush, dude. Gotta keep up my image bro, you're destroyin' me."

"Oh yeah," Karkat turned around to face all the observers "Would you bulgemunchers KINDLY FUCK OFF!"

“My hero." Dave swooned, getting up to collect their order, the crowd scattering, but people still stealing glances from their seats.

"Bone-apple-teeth!" Dave said proudly, setting the tray down to show a happy meal, nuggets, mozzarella stick and two drinks, one coke, one chocolate milkshake.

“It's bun-appa-teat, dumbass." He corrected, Dave choking on milkshake in pure terror.

"W-what?!"

“Bun-appa-teat! Rose taught it to me. You're human you should know this!" Karkat insisted casually, taking a bite of one of his nuggets. "I'm gonna get some ketchup."

Dave took out his phone.  
TG: 'bun-appa-teat'?!

TG: really Rose?!

TT: What ever could be the matter, brother dear?

TT: I am just educating our extra-terrestrial partners about the wonders of language.

TG: Rose you dick

TT: I'll stop distracting you from your date.

Dave looked at his phone with a quizzical gaze before looking over to Karkat who was walking back with some ketchup.  
"Aren't you going to eat?" Karkat asked, snapping Dave out of his trance.

“Hell yeah man, I was just getting lost in that sweet ass of yours."

"Shut up, Dave." He chuckled, practically scooping out half the ketchup from the little paper cup. Dave opened the happy meal and began to eat, the pair casually chatting and debating whether or not chocolate milkshake was 'literally shit in a paper cup' or not.

-

Extra  
"...hey babe, which juice do you want?" Karkat asked, leaning on the shopping cart.

"Karkat you lovable dumbass: take a guess." Karkat dropped the apple juice in the cart and began to wheel it to the self checkout, Dave packing the bags as Karkat scanned the items.  
"Ew, kimchi?"

"It reminds me of Alternia." Karkat shrugged, putting the jar in the bag. "We didn't have your delicate human food."

“Oh yeah, you ate like bugs and other trolls and shit. I feel sorry for your poor, delicious alien asshole"

“It wasn't THAT bad. It's just a LOT different to your supple earth sustenance, a lot stronger.”

“Which one do you prefer?"

"Human food definitely, but sometimes I miss feeling my throat heal up after a good meal.”

“Honey I will make you the scratchiest, sourest, most gooey and acidic food you've ever eaten this weekend. It will be fucking scrumptious for your alien palette."

“I'd like that."

"Hey what does my cu-you look at that." Dave observed, pointing to a newspaper near the checkout. The title read 'Local Gods Have A Romantic Dinner At Local Fast Food Place' and featured a picture of Karkat feeding Dave one of his mozzarella sticks.  
The two stared at the entire wall full of newspapers in silent horror


End file.
